Silence

I'm avoiding the world. I've realized that sometimes it just needs to be done. I am not hiding my pain from the world, or bottling it in. I'm not going to be ashamed of my need for solitude, but rather embrace it, like a monk taking a vow of silence. The solitude allows me to reflect on the pain, concentrate on healing, and gather a reserve of strength for whenever I might really need it. Lately, the pain has been pretty unbearable and nothing seems to dull it. I take my medicine with due diligence and allow myself to sleep whenever my body requires it. I focus my energy on fighting through it and staying positive and keeping whatever sanity I have left. During these times I allow myself extra indulgences... dark chocolate, sensual fantasy, extra long baths. When life allows you so few pleasures, so get your jollies when you can. But listen to me... I'm really not complaining I swear. Life could always be worse, and its that thought that keeps me in 'half-full' mode, and as it gets worse, which seems inevitable, then I will have to decide whether to resign to the pain and come up with some other excuse. Woe is me. Woe is me.